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How to Read the Future in Tea Leaves

Even though tea has been called a miracle plant, capable of doing everything from helping you lose weight to fighting cancer, it still seems so random that people actually read tea leaves to predict future events. You might as well try to "read" a toilet bowl or a piece of gum. Where in the world did the practice come from? Tasseography, as it is sometimes called, is an ancient Chinese practice that spread to Europe via nomadic gypsies in the mid-1800s. And while most people don't take the art of tea-leaf-reading too seriously anymore, it is nonetheless a fascinating hobby.

For all of you pop-culture enthusiasts out there, references to tea-leaf reading can be found in everything from books ("Harry Potter," "Sherlock Holmes"), to TV shows (admittedly, mostly on soap operas or "X-Files" knockoffs), to really bad movies (anything on the USA Network).

Sure, it's possible to have your tea leaves read online, but it's so much cooler to know how to do it yourself. It's a great way to completely freak out your friends and mess them up for life. Read on to find out if it's your cup of tea.

Instructions

Make the Tea Correctly
- We'll assume that, since you're reading this article, boredom plays a definable role in your life. For a successful tea-leaf reading, all you'll need is a melodramatic demeanor, a few kitchen supplies and a gullible friend who looks equally bored. What you need:
  
  * Loose tea, any flavor. "Loose" tea does not refer to its sexual proclivities; rather, it means that you're using actual tea leaves that float loose in your cup, instead of using a tea bag. We recommend you use a Chinese tea, or one with a minimum of fine-grained dust. If you happen to like your subject (the one whose future you are going to read), let him choose a favorite flavor. If not, use the nastiest flavor you can find.
  
  * A white or pastel teacup with a wide brim. It needs to be white, or you won't be able to read the dark leaves at the bottom, and it should have a wide brim, so the leaves have a greater area to stick to at the bottom of the cup. If you're at work, a Styrofoam cup will do, but we'll have to tell your boss that you're slacking (as if she doesn't already know).
  
  * A wide saucer.
  
  * A teaspoon.
  
  Now you're ready to make some tea.
  
  1. Place a teapot full of water on the stove. Oh, and make sure the stove is on.
  
  2. Place the dry tea leaves on a saucer. Have your friend stir them around while the water is boiling. Murmur something unintelligible during this stage for drama's sake.
  
  3. Ask your friend to throw some leaves into the pot (the amount doesn't matter).
  
  4. Brew the tea without a strainer, making sure the leaves are loose within the pot.
  
  5. After the tea starts steaming, have your friend pour some into the cup.
  
  6. Let it cool. Sit around, relax, work on your résumé, play poker ... whatever.

Next: Have the Subject Drink the Tea Properly

The Occult